Psychologists Tell Us How to Pass Through 5 of the Most Dangerous Periods of Marriage and Not Break Up
Mort Fertel, a relationship expert, thinks that popular recommendations to marriage rescue like sharing feelings with a partner or visiting a family psychologist are not always effective because they don’t define what exactly needsto be doneto overcome the crisis.
Here are some unusual recommendations by Mort Fertel on how to save your marriage:
1. Save your marriage even by yourself.It’s usually believed that a marriage can be saved only when both partners are ready to work on problems. “The efforts made by even one person can change the marriage dynamics and can motivate the more stubborn spouse to join the process of the marriage rescue,” Mort Fertel says.
2. Don’t ask yourself wrong questions.Don’t ask yourself, “Is this the right person I’ve chosen for a spouse?” The key to a successful marriage is not to find the right person but to learn to love the one that you found. Because love is not luck, it’s your choice.
3. Separation drives you apart, not closer.Separation, which allegedly can refresh your feelings, can distance you from each other even more, especially during a marriage crisis where your goal is to be closer again.
4. Talk less about problems.Conversations about marriage problems don’t solve them but make them deeper. They cause arguments and anger. Talking about a problem doesn’t mean you solved it. Talk less, do more. Find real ways to solve your difficulties.
5. Don’t think that a therapist will give you the exact answers.Therapy sessions help spouses talk to each other and understand each other’s point of view, but they don’t give answers regarding what needsto be doneto save the marriage. As a result, couples remain very disappointed with their therapy.
6. Don’t tell your relatives and friends about your marriage crisis.“One of the most important values of marriage is confidentiality, that’s why talking to your relatives or friends about your marriage or your spouse is a big mistake. This is a violation of confidentiality for your spouse, and it’s wrong,” Mort Fertel says.
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